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Editorial Results (free)

1. Look Who’s Here -

(When Pete & Sam’s reopened, I saw Prince Mongo walk barefooted through the kitchen door from the parking lot. Seemed normal to me. Reminds me of a story …)

“38 regular,” I told the chimp.

2. We Stand at the Crossroads -

Depending on who you ask, blues legend Robert Johnson is buried in three places in the Delta, died at 27 in 1938 of poisoning or of syphilis, or sometime later since people claim to have seen him in Memphis in 1941.

3. As We Age, Humor May Be The Best Way To Deal With The Consequences -

FUNNY THING ABOUT GETTING OLD. I wrote about getting a nerve block for my back a few weeks ago. Well, it seems that nerve blocks are like Nora’s mayonnaise; sometimes it just doesn’t turn out. I was feeling sorry for myself when an email from friend Gene showed up with some funny stuff from old friends we don’t hear much from anymore.

4. A Tasteful List 2018 -

MEMPHIS BY THE BITE: Presenting the Tasteful List 2018 – alphabetical local favorites in one decidedly local man’s opinion. Most of the following should come with a gym membership and a warning from the American Heart Association, bless their hearts. Show some restraint; don’t try all of these over the weekend.

5. My American Story. Again -

JUST CALL ME LEIF. I wrote this a year ago. Recently, the column won an award for humor, but we’ve done so much in this last year to distort the meaning of being American it’s not even funny.

6. Memphis to the Bone -

We're not blowin' smoke, we're makin' it. There was a downtown bar my brother, Frank, and his crowd used to visit during college in the middle 50’s. The place was in a basement, dark and funky, but the beer was cold and cheap, and the food was simple and satisfying.

7. Couldn’t Have Done It Without You -

TURNS OUT, OLD COMES WITH SALARY AND BENEFITS. We all paid for last week.

The test is called EMG, short for Electromyography, also known as OMG, or the Spanish Inquisition. The definition includes the words “needles” and “inserted into the muscle” and “measures muscle response” and “nerve stimulation” and “electrical” and avoids words like “pain” and “multiple” and “cry like a baby” and several words I’ll leave to your imagination.

8. Old School, Brand New -

NEWS IS DEAD, LONG LIVE LOCAL NEWS. My grandfather, J.P. Alley, was the editorial cartoonist for The Commercial Appeal, and he won a Pulitzer in the 1920s fighting the KKK as part of the paper’s editorial team.

9. Shared Steps -

CONSIDERING SHOES: We’re in Florence – the one in Italy – and I’m on my own. The rest of the family has gone one way, and I’ve gone another – a fairly normal occurrence on trips at the time of day when I’m looking for an interesting place to have a drink and Nora is looking for one more interesting museum/garden/church to wander through.

10. Lessons From Ronald McDonald -

CIRCLES AND ARCHES. Our son, Gaines, called the other night and we talked a bit about business, his now and mine once.

My mind wandered to a convertible in a Christmas parade in Jonesboro, or maybe Jackson, Tennessee, or it could have been Tupelo. Wherever it was, Ronald McDonald jumped off the back of the convertible, ran along the edge of the crowd shaking hands with kids and doing the Funky Chicken with any volunteers he could find.

11. Hearing Ann -

KEPT IN MIND. As a copywriter and producer, radio has always been my favorite advertising medium. Radio is theater of the mind. Using sound alone, the medium must create images and experience, conjure up a world if you will, to take and place listeners just where you want them to be.

12. What We’re Becoming -

WE’VE HIT A WALL. By the time you read this over breakfast, something may have happened about all those kids being separated from their parents at the border and warehoused like unwanted inventory.

13. Bittersweet Memories -

DOWN HOME UP THERE. We drove to Syracuse recently to visit our daughter and son-in-law. She’s taken a marketing and communications job with the university and he’s moving his sales career up there as well.

14. Pete & Sam’s. Again. -

SOMETIMES THE WAIT IS WORTH IT. I remember when you couldn’t get Coors beer here – ergo – Coors was wonderful, caught in frosted mugs held beneath Rocky Mountain snowmelt waterfalls, tapped by the chosen somewhere west of here, somewhere forbidden.

15. Let’s See What You Got -

THE REAL GAME. I’ve handled two kinds of Canadian Grizzlies. The first furry transplants played football in the World Football League, changing one of their two names from Northmen to Southmen when they arrived here from Toronto, and keeping their Grizzlies name/mascot/logo, too. I inherited all that as their ad agency.

16. Crazy Good -

STILL CRAZY. STILL RIGHT. Lauren Crews and I sipped coffee and talked about his crazy idea. Again. I’m writing about it. Again. Maybe we’re both crazy.

We first talked about it sipping whiskey years ago at sunset on the bluff behind the Metal Museum, gazing out on the river’s big, bold bend south of the Harahan, the most dramatic river view in Memphis, dramatic enough to accommodate big, bold vision.

17. It’s Hard, But You Can Do It -

TO FLY, YOU’VE GOT TO TRY. This morning, I was feeling kind of sorry for myself. My leg hurt. Hell, both legs hurt. A couple of my deadlines hurt. I was out of coffee, and out of patience with a couple of projects. Just can’t get going. And suddenly somebody I haven’t thought about in a long time from a long time ago came to mind.

18. Irony, Thy Name Is Tennessee -

NEW STATUE PROPOSED. Last week in advance of the primary, I read with interest multiple accounts of the Shelby County Republican Party’s outrage with the candidacy of one of their own, Keith Alexander, for property assessor.

19. Our Kids are Drowning -

LIFELINE. Almost 40 years ago, I was on the first board of the Ira Samelson Jr. Boys & Girls Club down the street from Treadwell School. We had taken over a YMCA that had a pool – the first pool in the club system. We brought kids in from all over the city to learn to swim, to keep from drowning if they got in deep water.

20. The Q Standard -

SOMETHING MESSY, NOT TO BE MESSED WITH. In past columns I’ve chastised my fellow boomers who not only wish for times gone by; they live there. Gathered around lunch tables, they complain about things like technology – passing around pictures of their grandkids on smartphones and getting up and down from that table on knees and hips supplied by that technology.

21. Outward And Visible Signs -

FAITH IN THE DAY.

I was recently asked to address “how my faith shapes what I do in the world” as part of a Spiritual Speakers Series. Me, people. In a chapel. The request alone passeth all understanding.

22. A Memphis Parable -

HOWARD AND BILL. One of my first columns was this very Memphis story. It’s time to tell it again. 

In the ’60s, Howard Robertson was a black postal carrier moonlighting as a waiter at the capital of white money dining in Memphis, Justine’s, housed in an antebellum mansion. Bill Loeb was a successful white businessman, owner of ubiquitous laundry branches about town, and the brother of Henry Loeb, mayor during the 1968 sanitation strike. Loeb lived in a home literally bordering the Memphis Country Club. Robertson lived in the other Memphis those of us who grew up white then never really acknowledged.

23. Bouki Fait Gombo -

THE OWNED PERSPECTIVE. From 1936 to 1938, as part of the WPA and the Federal Writers’ Project, more than 2,000 interviews were conducted with former slaves resulting in “Slave Narratives: A Folk History in the United States.” Those former slaves were very old by then, but their memories of dark childhoods were clear.

24. Guilty of Gunnysacking -

THE UNITED STATES OF GUNNYSACK. So you and your spouse are having a disagreement that escalates into an argument that moves up in decibels and moves into things flying off tables and dogs fleeing the room … and your spouse is winning … so you reach deep into your shared past and come up with something smelly, or several somethings, totally unrelated to the matter at hand to counter … and now nobody wins.

25. For Real -

REAL NEED. REAL EFFORT. “A billion here, a billion there, and pretty soon you’re talking about real money.”

The late, great Illinois Sen. Everett Dirksen – father-in-law to the late, great Tennessee Sen. Howard Baker – purportedly said that regarding government spending in a “Tonight Show” appearance in the ’60s.

26. The Whole Truth -

TRUTH BE TOLD. Truth is the truth. It isn’t inconvenient, inconsistent or incomplete. It isn’t uncomfortable or unpleasant and certainly not untrue.

But what we’ve made of the truth is all of those things.

27. Gorillas in the Living Room -

IMPROVING THE VIEW. There are very large gorillas in our living room.

It seems these things are never seen when such a sight would spoil the vision at hand – except, of course, by those who see the reality of unpleasant things. Never mentioned in polite conversation – except, of course, by those who discuss unpleasant things. Avoided at all costs by those charged with promoting civic accomplishment – except by those who measure the cost of unpleasant things.

28. Lent Is Complicated -

REPENTANCE. FORGIVENESS. AND WAFFLES. Lent is complicated.

People: Have mercy on us, Lord.

Celebrant: We confess to you, Lord, all our past unfaithfulness: the pride, hypocrisy, and impatience of our lives.

29. Godspeed, Helen. We Were There -

A HAPPY DAY AT A FUNERAL. Her name was Helen Larkin. She was a couple of years younger than me when she started at the University of Tennessee and pledged the same sorority my wife did a few years earlier. Two of her three older brothers were in my fraternity there and one of her two sisters was in my high school class. Spring quarter of her freshman year, Helen would become a Little Sister of that fraternity.

30. This is Not a Squirrel -

DISTRACTION. Spoon hated squirrels. Every so often, I would yell, “SQUIRREL!”, and Spoon would charge the window from wherever she was in full and frantic bark mode, whatever she was doing forgotten in the urgency of the moment. Sometimes there actually was a squirrel, but most of the time I did it for the reaction.

31. Serious Diversion -

ZEN FOR CYNICS. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow. In fact, just buzz off and leave me alone.

32. In the Snow -

SNOW IN A WARM CITY. I looked out the window as the snowfall of a few weeks ago ended. The tires that brought the paper made the only marks on the street. The quiet, the way snow muffles everything, blankets the morning as surely as the snow.

33. Only Two -

IT JUST TAKES TWO. “Dan,” Sen. Howard Baker chuckled, “see that person at the end of the dais? She’s run my office for years, been with me everywhere, heard and seen everything. That’s the first time I’ve seen her blush.”

34. Using Kids as Chips -

THIS ISN’T A GAME, KIDS AREN’T CHIPS. As I write this, 9 million low-income kids in America are at risk of losing their insurance, primarily because they aren’t the kids of Congress.

35. Soul is Required -

TIME TO SEE SOMETHING NEW. Years ago, friend Billy bought the Edge office supplies business on Union just west of other things that aren’t there anymore, like Happy Day Laundry and Wiles-Smith Drug Store. I was in there one day when he asked if I wanted to see something cool. He lowered a pull-down ladder to an attic and sent me up. As soon as my head cleared the opening, he flicked on the light.

36. Memphis is Changing -

SOMETHING’S GOING ON HERE. President of the Confederacy Jefferson Davis was invited back to Memphis in 1964 when black folks were getting all uppity during the civil rights movement. He has finally left the podium.

37. Outrageous 2017 -

EVERY DAY, AN EMBARRASSMENT OF CHOICES. This year is, thankfully, coming to a close.

Early in the year, a group of us from here and there set about documenting the actions of an administration already out of control. We thought we would produce a calendar with an example for each day of something outrageous reported in mainstream media. Our research didn’t produce one such example for each day; we were buried in examples for each day. We divided them up and here are a few of mine.

38. My Christmas Story -

CHRISTMAS TIME. Every Christmas I tell this story, and in the telling Christmas comes home.

It was my first time to England and overseas, and prime time for The Beatles, The Rolling Stones and Soho.

39. What to Give Them for Christmas -

GIVE THEM TOMORROW. See the children. See them run. 

See the children. See them play. 
See the children. See them see. 
See the children. See them learn. 
See the children. See all that’s possible.

40. Reminded Again -

WE NEED ADVICE, FROM OURSELVES. When I closed up my parents’ home some 30 years ago, I found myself in my old room, going through my desk drawers one more time. In the back of one, I found something I’d missed – a magnifying glass with a loose handle.

41. We’re Original. Act Like It -

IF YOU’RE COPYING, IT’S NOT YOURS. My church has an impressive mosaic of da Vinci’s “The Last Supper” over the altar – the one a friend says should be called, “Everybody get on the same side of the table so I can take this picture.” True to the original in every detail, the mosaic is even more impressive when you realize it involves more than 40,000 individual pieces. It’s beautiful.

42. Good Morning -

RANDOM OBSERVATIONS OF A MORNING. As I write this, I’m out of town and just finished reading an email from friend Gene. He was sharing a few deep thoughts and life questions people have shared with him. Since I found several of them funny enough to spill my coffee on my hosts’ floor and read out loud to people who just woke up, I think I’ll just turn this week’s column over to Gene and get some more coffee.

43. Time for What’s Next -

A NEW LOOK AT OLD VIEWS. Just as we’re getting somewhere on Brady’s Parking Lot vs. Overton Park, Brooks decides to chase something bigger, shinier and newer on the bluff and the Memphis College of Art throws down their brushes.

44. Thanks for the Light -

THANK YOU, OLD FRIEND. Thanksgiving is coming up so I’d like to give some to an old friend. Like many old friends, this one has been there my whole life and has meant more to me than I’ve said. More talented is this old friend, but sharing of that talent, and inspirational in the sharing, and patient in the teaching of those less talented.

45. We Must Talk -

A necessary conversation. Tom (R) and I (D) had an email conversation recently. Remember when conversation between those who differ was possible?

We met through friends – his, not mine – mostly college classmates sharing links to conservative columnists who support their views. Most of those columns aren’t real and their false attribution is for credibility where none exists. This is only one such list among legion, right and left.

46. Sweetness of a Moment -

A slice of time. In the spring, young men’s fancy turns to … well … whatever it turns to looks a lot more like an Ole Miss coed than Coach Collins, a lot more like a beach at Sardis Lake than the lunch counter at White Station High School, and the lemon meringue pie was a lot sweeter than fifth period.

47. Fix This Ticket -

HARD MADE HARDER, THAT’S THE TICKET. Growing up, I felt deprived because I occasionally had to ride the bus. In college, I felt deprived because I didn’t have a car. When I got married, I felt deprived because we had only one.

48. The Ride From Can’t to Can -

“THREE BUCKS A DAY, ALL IN.” My friend Jay Martin, founder and chairman of Juice Plus+, is impatient with systems for systems’ sake, with bureaucracies based on bureaucracies, with the tried and true default of “we’ve always done it that way.” If he sees a problem and sees no solution or a solution as problematic as the problem, he has a habit of building one himself and taking it out for a spin. And then he gets a few friends to climb on.

49. Hey, Hope, How Are You? -

“HEY, DAN.” I was attempting to visit a friend in extended care at Regional One. That’s in the Turner Tower. “The what?” the parking lot attendant replied, and then added, “Got to be one of those.”

50. A General Invitation, Come Home -

COME ON BACK TO ELMWOOD, GEN. FORREST. I first issued that invitation in 2013, and again in 2015. As it has been for some time – it’s past time.

Come back, general, and bring the missus. Elmwood is where you said you wanted to be. Others put you in a public park and made you a symbol of what you are not. You are not a victor in a virtuous cause. You are not superior by virtue of your color. You are not entitled to a glorified history others would give you, only to the whole truth of your own.

51. Raised From the Dead -

GHOST AND SPIRIT. I walked through the town at mid-morning. Like any town you spend a lifetime in, you know people.

I spoke to the guy that owns the coffee shop, Jimmy Lewis, as he walked between customers over cups and conversation. He and I went to the same high school, and I see they’re building a new high school right here in town – going to be trying all kinds of new ideas in there, a public/private, secondary/higher education partnership model for the country I’m told.

52. A Tasteful List: 2017 -

DIG IN, MEMPHIS. Presenting the Tasteful List 2017 – alphabetical local favorites in one decidedly local man’s opinion – all good if not good for you. Some are farm to table, some got waylaid by sugar, flour, corn meal and deep-frying along the way, but all are ours, bless their hearts. 

53. What We’re Left With -

LEGACIES OF IRONY. The guy who invented dynamite and various ways to blow people up also gave us the Nobel Peace Prize. According to Alfred Nobel’s will in 1896, the award is to go to someone who has “done the most or the best work for fraternity between nations, for the abolition or reduction of standing armies and for the holding and promotion of peace congresses.”

54. I Recommend a New Novel -

They read us like a book. When I was growing up, The Book Shelf was about where the northwest corner of the Kroger in Poplar Plaza is now. It smelled like books – not the library smell of tomes and the weight of knowledge, but the smell of brand-new information, shiny new possibilities, a world of discovery on a personal scale.

55. A Matter Worth Raising -

SYMBOLS AND FLAGS MATTER. Nora approached the concierge desk at the General Walker Hotel in Obersalzberg, Germany, just below Hitler’s infamous retreat, the Eagle’s Nest, and just above the town of Berchtesgaden. We’d heard that there was a museum in the hotel’s basement. The man behind the desk was behind a newspaper when Nora asked, “Excuse me, could you tell me how we get to the Hitler museum?” He snapped the paper down and in a tone the Fuhrer himself would have been proud of and loud enough to turn heads in the lobby, he sneered:

56. 2017, The Musical -

“GRANT US WISDOM, GRANT US COURAGE.” Episcopalians sing every week, as I’m sure many of you do, but most of us aren’t listening to the words. Their familiarity has bred if not contempt at least complacence.

57. Watches Tell Time, And Stories -

IT’S ABOUT TIME. It’s an old 700 series Rolex watch – stainless steel with a small military-style black face, hands and numbers that once glowed in the dark, a simple stainless steel band and a small brass rivet for a fastener – nothing special by Rolex standards.

58. No Place for Those Words -

“WHAT TRUMP COULD HAVE SAID.” After Trump’s narcissistic impolitic/political rant/speech at the Boy Scout National Jamboree, I didn’t know what to say. But when my daughter sent me an opinion piece from LNP in Lancaster, Pennsylvania, I realized it had already been said.

59. Love in the Bones -

DNA IN THE TIMBERS, SOUL IN THE PLACE. We drive by them at the edge of fields, just there in the woods, or just here abandoned at the edge of progress, beneath the tumble of vines and what remains of a roof or a wall, the dark eyes of broken windows and missing doors, the lost welcome of sagging porches, of warmth gone cold from crumbling chimneys, reminders of a life and lives, of another time – and every time I wonder who they were, what happened there.

60. History in Our Whiskey -

GOOD WHISKEY ISN’T DRUNK. IT’S REMEMBERED. Good whiskey and good stories age well. I wrote that a while back when I was hired to write a bit about whiskey. I thought about all of that on the porch looking at the night over a bit of whiskey with the dog. I was drinking whiskey; the dog was just looking at the night. We both liked the moment.

61. Life is Where You Live -

In our USAToday, we woke up here. We’ve all heard former Speaker Tip O’Neill’s grammatically flawed truism, “All politics is local.”

So is life, Mr. Speaker, and it deserves to be covered locally.

62. Not Ours, Not Theirs -

Not the apple of the apple's eye. The only other person on the subway platform that night years ago was in a hood-up hoodie and seemed to be about 8 feet tall, and seemed to get taller as he walked toward me. Even sober, I wouldn’t be able to do anything about whatever he had in mind, and I was far from sober after a three-hour meal in Tribeca. I was done.

63. The Big Picture -

The city is a gallery, the neighborhoods its rooms. Artistic talent runs in the family like spilled India ink on paper, although it ran away from me. Briefly majoring in art, I learned that my talent lay in appreciation not execution, and there is much to appreciate in our city.

64. My American Story -

Don't call me Cherokee, just call me Leif. As a kid, I was told I was part Native American on my mother’s side – probably Cherokee, they said, maybe Chickasaw. My mother, my aunt and my uncles weren’t sure which and how much and my grandmother wasn’t talking, but one look at any of them or at me or my children with our profiles of various 1950s Pontiac hood ornaments leaves little doubt and more is more likely than less.

65. Sharing Yards and Roots -

ROOTS AND MONKEY GRASS. So I’m waiting in line at Booksellers to get my high school classmate, Cary Fowler, to sign my copy of his new book when a moment of quintessential Memphis broke out.

66. Cracking a Smile -

ORIGINAL, UNIMPORTANT THOUGHTS. I’m on vacation, trying desperately not to think about anything important. I’ll be home next week – God willing and the Creek don’t rise. This week, I thought I’d share a bit of interesting trivia friends have passed along about origins of some of our common expressions.

67. Tiresome Behavior -

ENOUGH ALREADY. Even after months of mediation, after an agreed-upon compromise, after the appointment of a committee and the committee’s selection of a master planner, after the Overton Park Conservancy put up $250,000 toward the plan, after the council voted to take the Conservancy’s money … even after all of that … the Memphis Zoo stiffed the conservancy, the city, and you and me. 

68. Of Camels and Spoon -

SPOON. 2002-2017. We took a left off of I-55 somewhere around Coldwater and drove about 10 miles through farms to our destination. There was a wooden sign with hand-painted numbers by the gravel drive. There was a Shetland pony in the yard. And emus.

69. Unhealthy Motives -

WE DON’T CARE ABOUT HEALTH CARE. WE CARE ABOUT INSURANCE. Like casinos, the insurance business is a bet, you know, like a roll of the dice. And like casinos, the house always wins. An army of actuaries hedges every bet. If you buy life insurance, they’re going to charge you enough to make money before you die. They win. If you buy health insurance, they’re going to charge you enough to make money if you get sick. They win.

70. Alternative English -

HE MADE ME DO IT. “The devil made me do it,” we used to say, but we used to say lots of things, using words that seem quaint these days. Facts. History. Welcoming. Bipartisan. Diplomatic. Tasteful. Respectful. Considerate. Thoughtful. Credible. Reality. Presidential. But then, we used to use complete sentences, and care about meaning and the art of language.

71. 5,000 Miles Of Smoke -

DANISH ISN’T JUST FOR BREAKFAST ANYMORE. The man was hauling gold up the steps from Riverside Drive as I waited at the top of the bluff. He was rising like smoke from all the cookers below, holding as he was something above the rest.

72. Better is Perfect -

I’M HERE TO TELL YOU, YOU MATTERED. The Rev. Richard Lawson baptized our grandchildren a couple of weeks ago. When 3-year-old Gaines looked like he was going to climb the font, Richard scooped him up, turned him upside down, and into the font he went, headfirst with his hands over his eyes. He returned to the pew, baptized in wet, wide-eyed wonder.

73. Our Best Point of View -

Editor’s note: At press time, The Daily News learned a proposal to construct two silos on the riverfront was withdrawn from the Board of Adjustment agenda.

WE DON’T JUST LOSE THE VIEW – WE LOSE THE VISION. My father had an interesting theory about Memphis expansion. Even though the most beautiful rolling land in Shelby County is north, Memphis expanded east. Dad said that was because industry was oriented to the river from the beginning, and a state line was just south, so, “they put all the crap along the river mostly north, and nobody wants to drive through all that to get to the office.”

74. Saving the Day -

YOU WANT TO LIVE IN THE CITY THEY SEE. AND YOU DO. Last week, I took a 3-year-old to see “Power Rangers,” teenagers turned superheroes to save a threatened world while assuring the future of digital effects. I didn’t want to go, but I cheered as loud as he did, spilling popcorn everywhere. As the credits rolled, he looked up at me and said – I swear – “Granddan, the Power Rangers saved the day.”

75. Everything to Lose -

LET THEM EAT CAKE. AND DIE. I’m paraphrasing Marie Antoinette. She didn’t say “and die” – but then she probably didn’t say “let them eat cake” either when told that the poor had no bread. History suggests that some other arrogant French aristocrat did. The reason the quote lives – and the point – is that the rich have always pretty much ignored the plight of the poor and done so at their own risk.

76. Claiming Our Responsibility -

4,000, 801, 70, 24 AND COUNTING. It’s well past time to be honest about our numbers and their toll. About 4,000 people were lynched in the South between the Civil War and the civil rights movement, about 800 more than previously thought due to the research of the Equal Justice Initiative. The “about” part is significant since those kinds of statistics are more carefully hidden than proudly claimed. 

77. True Fakes -

TRUISH. These days, fake news can seem so real, and real news gets more and more unbelievable.

I offer recent local, state and national examples.

ZOO PREPARING BOAT PARKING FOR RAINBOW LAKE

78. Love Me Some Lent -

LENTEN LESSON. The Episcopal Church, with ancient roots in early Christianity, the Roman Catholic Church and the Anglican Church, has many arcane names and traditions in its liturgy derived from the many languages and practices of its long history.

79. How Cool is That? -

COOL ON CAMERA. In an earlier column, I recalled that Meg Ryan once walked by my house when I was on the porch and waved. After all, she and Dennis Quaid lived right down the street.

80. Time for a Divorce -

IT’S OVER. LET’S MAKE IT FINAL. I said divorce might be best in a column two years ago, so let’s get on with it already. After all, it was a shotgun wedding.

81. The Right Thing to Wear -

INTO CONDOMS. About 25 years ago, we went to the Cooper-Young Festival with another couple. Our sons were about 9 or 10 at the time. As we lingered at this or that booth, the boys got antsy, so a later meeting place was agreed upon and they took off.

82. Publicly Advancing -

WHEN PUBLIC GOES PRIVATE, WE HAVE IT BACKWARDS. My kids and I know more about public schools and public school innovation than our brand-new secretary of education and voucher poster girl, Betsy DeVos, and our own state senator and voucher poster boy, Brian Kelsey.

83. The Us of Us -

I AM US. I am Muslim. I am a COGIC Hindu Jewish WASP Jehovah’s Witness. I am a Roman Catholic Buddhist Satanist Seventh Day Adventist and Latter-Day Saint. I am an Atheist Agnostic Humanist Evangelist. I am a Sunni Shia Christian Rastafarian Taoist Sikh. I am a foot-washing, holy-rolling Jain spiritualist and whatever Lord Voldemort is – and I am not.

84. For What’s Bugging You -

LOCKED AND SEASONED. I have armed myself. A while back, I was at a friend and colleague’s house in Rossville, a popular place for the Second Amendment.

We were brainstorming a project we’re both involved in when he spotted a fly – several, in fact. He picked up a pump gun and both of his dogs jumped up – they are, after all, hunting dogs – and started running around the room. He stood, slide cocking the weapon, releasing the safety and looking down the barrel through the pop-up site.

85. New Year, New Game -

INSPIRING WORDS FOR OUR NEW TEAM. “Sometimes they write what I say, not what I mean.” – former Cardinal, Dodger and major league MVP Pedro Guerrero, who obviously could have been president.

86. Remind and Remember -

REMEMBERING MOMENTS. I recently called my oldest older brother. I told him that there was snow on the ground outside my window, it was 19 degrees, my gardenia looked like a lime Popsicle, and I didn’t appreciate it. This time of year there’s generally a couple of feet of snow outside his Adirondacks window, 19 is downright balmy, and he’s often threatened to send some of that my way.

87. The Bard’s Barbs -

THE ENGLISH MAJOR RETORT. So here we are between the election – you remember the election – and the inauguration – you know, the upcoming event that even some of the Rockettes can’t raise a leg over – and we’re already exhausted.

88. Naked Truth -

NAKED, AND UP TO SOMETHING. Of the occasions I’ve been skinny-dipping, only one had any class to it. I reprise that story as a reminder that this city truly values reality over pretense, and that is the measure of our worth.

89. Looking Forward -

SEEDS OF SURVIVAL. I know Cary Fowler, a quiet, unassuming high school classmate and Rhodes graduate whose forward-thinking worldview might very well save the planet. At the very least, what he’s doing gives the world something to look forward to in the new year and beyond.

90. Christmas, Then and Now -

CHRISTMAS TIME. Every Christmas I tell this story, and in the telling Christmas comes home. It was my first time to England and overseas, and prime time for The Beatles, The Rolling Stones and Soho.

91. Lists of Things Learned -

A FEW OF LIFE’S LISTS. The four stages of life: 1. You believe in Santa Claus. 2. You don’t believe in Santa Claus. 3. You are Santa Claus. 4. You look like Santa Claus.

92. Giving is a Gift -

ORDINARILY EXTRAORDINARY. If you ask one, what makes Memphians special is nothing special.

We do hard well. We work hard, play hard. We come by what we have by the hardest – and here’s the thing – we share ours with people who have it harder.

93. Not Again. Or Not. -

I WON’T DO THAT AGAIN. Words3 is a writers group that meets monthly at the Church of the Holy Communion to read and reflect. And eat doughnuts.

This week’s column is courtesy of one of them, Robert Propst, who writes songs –Dylanesque, except with a sense of humor – and shares them with folks who might be getting just a bit too reflective long about now – say, me.

94. Thanksgiving. For Real. -

NORMAN’S NORMAL. You’ve probably seen “Freedom From Want,” Norman Rockwell’s iconic Thanksgiving painting.

You know, Grandmother with the turkey so lovingly prepared. Grandfather preparing to lovingly carve it and serve it to the loving bunch assembled. Aunts, uncles, in-laws, kids and siblings, all smiling, all whiter than the white meat in that turkey, the view of the outside world obscured by white curtains.

95. One of Us -

IMPLICITLY AND EXPLICITLY, ONE OF US. I’ve been reading about implicit bias lately. It’s complicated but I like the way the National Center for State Courts describes it. In part:

96. No Pain, No Gain -

HMMM, WE GOT ISSUES. Javier repeated, “I said, bend over as far as you can.” I replied, “I already have – this is it.”

“Hmmm,” he murmured. He would do that a lot in our first session together. Javier is a physical therapist and his task is to give me my left hip back. And stop the pain in my left leg. And left foot. And right leg sometimes. Shoulder’s not great either. And something weird’s going on in one elbow.

97. We Need Hits -

GOT TO KEEP SWINGING. In the last week, somebody took my iPad and my sunglasses out of my car, the hot water heater crapped out and rained through the ceiling light fixtures, something crawled up inside our dryer vent and died, and somebody lifted my wife’s phone and wallet from her purse. Job called and offered his condolences.

98. Fixin’ To Lose -

RED STATES. RED HERRINGS. Earlier this year, I wrote about laws our state Legislature passed in their last session to solve problems that didn’t exist.

Statistically, you and I are much more likely to be struck by lightning while in the next door bathroom stall to a transgender person who just committed voter fraud, or sitting between an outraged counselor or therapist and a same-sex couple carrying concealed weapons in a college chapel pew than we are to fall victim to anything the Legislature has proposed or passed laws to protect us against.

99. I’ll Never Be President -

BIRTHDAY REFLECTIONS IN AN ELECTION YEAR. Let’s face it; I’ll never be president.

Another birthday just showed up and I didn’t blow out any candles. Maybe I don’t have the breath for it anymore. Maybe I don’t have the enthusiasm. While I’m grateful for another year, the count thereof gives me pause.

100. Words From Church -

FAITH IN THE FUNNY. As you could tell from last week’s column, this campaign is wearing on me and, I suspect, on you. Words don’t appear to matter. Truth is ignored and lies are embraced.