VOL. 126 | NO. 163 | Monday, August 22, 2011
Small Business Adviser 
Tom Pease
Litigators, Alligators and Lawyers
Tom Pease
There comes a time in business when you need a courtroom attorney. This may be either to defend yourself or sue. The fun factor ranks right in there with seeing a urologist.
Good attorneys cost $250 to $300 an hour. Using one with his name on the firm costs more. It is not clear why one would be $250 an hour and another even $400 an hour, but the inference is the $400-an-hour one never loses or is married to the judge. A day in court costs $10,000.
If you are being sued, relax a bit because it takes months to hear your case and then it will probably be continued. To get money out of the system takes time for these same reasons. Even years. Another thing to know: The court has no enforcement powers. It rules and people are supposed to do what it says. If not, nothing happens until you go back to court to get authorization to do the really bad stuff. More time.
There are courtroom lawyers, the litigators/defenders, and non-courtroom lawyers. Litigators like a good fight and look at cases as chess matches. The word litigator is likely a derivative of the word “alligator.” Litigators sprinkle gunpowder on their Rice Krispies, are smart and better have a degree from Vanderbilt or else don’t hire them. Corporate lawyers are friendlier and more likely to buy lunch. Mine is Doug Quay. Doug has a corner office and is important and knows important people. I try to take Doug to lunch and get free advice because Doug’s rule is when he is eating he is not charging. Doug makes me feel important while Rob Hale, my litigator/defender, makes me feel imperiled. Rob likes to joke that Doug does not even know where the courtroom is.
Rob is unfailingly polite, respectful, lean, scholarly, calm – and importantly, he wins in court. He is the Clark Kent of the Courtroom. He races Porsches (courtroom bounty), and I believe I own the engine. He takes time to school courtroom behavior so you don’t jump and yell, “Liar!” and cause a mistrial or be hauled out by the bailiff. Defense attorneys are like priests: You have to tell them everything.
Courtrooms are stressful places. Judges look like they are not listening. Attorneys “object” a lot and even if sustained, everyone already heard it. How do you “unhear something”? The deputy is right next to you, with his gun, and only he can hand the judge anything. If you get out of your seat at the wrong time, he will confront you.
Strange things happen in courtrooms. I once had a judge ask the other side if they wanted him to recuse because his firm previously had a contract with my company. He went back in a few minutes. When he returned, he said the firm still had the contract. The other side was fine with it but I felt like a leper and asked Rob if I could recuse him, which I could, and Rob did, and the case delayed one year.
The courtroom is an unpredictable place. Settle out of it if you can.
Tom Pease is owner of e/Doc Systems Inc., a provider of office equipment and paperless software. Email: tcivlj@aol.com.